Traumatic Break-Up
Traumatic Break-Up
“Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop.”But are tears enough to chase away the pain of a break up?Most of us have been there. Some of us are there. And for sure, many of us will be there in the future. When the person you are in love with suddenly leaves you, you may think that your whole identity is shattered, and that you will never recover from the pain - but keep in mind, the sun will rise again, sooner or later.
The emotional, spiritual and physical connection established in a relationship can be a beautiful experience for both individuals. From the first look until our relationship ends, we establish a connection with the person we love on some many levels. Finding that one person, our soul mate, to share our lives with is often a difficult task to achieve. As a result, and unfortunately, it is a reality that many hearts are broken before we are blessed with the one special person we trust and love for the remainder of our lives. When going through a relationship break up, the emotions can be overwhelming often leading to bouts of depression and anger. Learning to address these emotions can lead to a more healthy recovery and a pleasant transition back into the dating scene.
Finding a replacementmate is not the key answer to break up induced anger and depression which commonly sets in after a break up occurs. Unfortunately, it is fact that many individuals, when heartbroken, will venture out and immediately settle into a new relationship, often referred to as the "rebound". Without regard to the personality of the new person, the heartbroken person will use this new relationship to fill a void which often leads to the failure of the "rebound" relationship. So, when broken hearted, the first rule of Breaking Up is to avoid entering into a new relationship right away. Allow time for your heart to heal.
Take the "high road". When feeling angry and depressed after a break up, the heartbroken will begin to act out irrationally. Some heartbroken individuals even go so far as to fabricate stories, file police reports, act out physically and attempt to harm the other person. The mentality of the heartbroken, when angry and depressed over a break up, is one of "if I can havehim/her, no one will have him/her". When suffering from a broken heart, it is imperative that you make a cognitive i.e. decision to take the high road. In fact, going so far as to limit communication with the person may be crucial to your emotional recovery.
In addition to avoiding replacements and taking the "high road",
Breaking Up is to find new activities and adventures that cater to your personality. Enjoy this new found freedom as a time to focus on you. Enjoy the silence and stillness of life. Go to a park and sit or lay quietly on a blanket and just listen to the sounds of life moving around you. Go to a local gym and walk a track and watch others work out. Take this time to engage your senses and learn to like yourself. Reach deep into your inner strength and find peace in the ability to now have some alone time. Think of hobbies you enjoy and look for opportunities to engage in those hobbies and interests.
Volunteer service is another great way to recover from a heart wrenching break up. Giving back to the community provides you with an outlet to assist others. Often, when volunteering we realize we will find our situation is not that bad and we view the world through a new perspective. Through volunteer service, the broken hearted will network and connect with a new group of individuals who may have similar interests to yours.
Whatever the situation, the key to recovering from a break up is to remain true to yourself. Find strength in the world around you and move forward to exert productivity and make an impact on society and on yourself
No matter what the age is, breaking up is always hard, but for a teenager it becomes too much to handle.
A new study, led by Norma Clarke, MD, a child psychiatrist at The Menninger Clinic and medical director of The Clinic’s Adolescent Treatment Program, suggests some ways of helping adolescents come out of break-up associated emotions.
"Some relationships may seem so intense and so necessary that teenagers harm themselves when the relationship ends," Clarke said.
A break-up signals to parents to be alert for signs of trouble in their teen’s emotional health, because they often keep their feelings secret. "If your teen falls off the deep end and you have a sense that you are losing control of him or her, you need to intervene," Clarke said.
She added that sudden changes in your teen’s behaviour might also be signs that he or she is having relationship problems , she adds.
Some signals which point out that the relationship has gone far among teens are as follows - teenager insists on spending all of his or her free time with the other person and stops seeing friends; he or she cries frequently or wants to be alone or sleeps more or less than usual if his or her boyfriend/girlfriend is not around.
Another sign could be that the teen is constantly talking on the telephone or chatting on the Internet. The study gives suggestion as to how to deal with the problem.
Clarke says that parents should talk to their teenager about the relationship. "Remind your child that it is not a good idea to get too involved with just one person. They should keep their friends , and they shouldn’t put all their eggs in one basket," Clarke said.
"Establish relationship rules according to your family’s morals and values. It is ok to say, ‘It is our expectation that you will not have sex when you are (age you decide) years old,’" she added.
"Frequently monitor your child’s Internet usage to see what sites he or she frequently visits. Stay abreast of changes made to your child’s MySpace or Facebook pages. Trust your instincts if the messages or content seems out of character and discuss it with your child.
"Be alert to cutting or other self-harm behaviour such as your teen no longer wearing short-sleeved clothing. Parents tend not to talk to kids about relationships or sexual behaviour.
"Keeping an open line of communication about friends of all types, activities and expectations is more welcomed by your child than may be apparent. I don’t think parents realize the impact they have on their teenager’s behaviour," she added.
Until then, here are some things you can do, to go through the painful post-breakup period a little easier.
First of all, don’t deny the breakup. It may seem difficult to accept that your heated love had such a chilling end, but the sooner you accept the fact that they’ve left you, the better it is. Don’t be self-pitying and don’t keep asking why - just try to get used to the idea that you’ll be single for now.
Don’t get close to the things your ex-love has left behind. Get rid of all the stuff they’ve left at your house, and all the presents you’ve been given for your birthday or for your 1- and-a-half-year anniversary. These objects bring you memories of the person that has hurt you, and every time you remember, you will start crying. I don’t suggest that you forget about them. After all, how can you forget someone you were in love with? It’d be like trying to remember someone you’ve never met. The best thing to do is to put all their things in a box and make sure that you‘ll lock it well in your closet. You can open it when you will be ready; when you will have got over then, and when this stuff can only make you smile.
Do cry! Crying may seem an obvious result of a breakup, but sometimes it’s not that easy to cry even though you really want to. But, what keeps us from crying? Denial of losing the one you love may be a reason. Sometimes it takes a while until you realize that they have made up their mind and won’t come back. Pride may be another. You might want to seem tough and prove to your friends (and yourself) that you don’t care. Stop being selfish and stubborn! Don’t hold your anger inside; by doing so, you will just be more stressed and snappy. Instead, release your pain. Let yourself cry! After a good cry, you will not only be relieved, but also be able to eat and sleep a lot easier (eating and sleep problems are very common after a break up). Notwithstanding the benefits of crying, it is still considered to be socially unacceptable. Unless you want to make a fool of yourself (and this will happen if you walk down the street and you sob every so often), avoid going to the places that remind you of them. Just stay home until you break into tears.
Spend time with your friends! No matter who left and how much you loved them, no matter how much you are hurt, it’s almost impossible to go through a break up without your friends. They are people who love you, and know you better than anybody. So, they will be willing to listen to you and help you. Your friends will always be there for you. They have seen you falling in love with the person that hurt you, they have heard your stories about your relationship, so they will support at this ugly period of your life. Don’t hesitate to follow them everywhere. If they ask you to go out any time of the day, it’s probably because they don’t want you to stay alone at home.
Don’t try to work harder unless you really love your job. It’s been said that in order to forget about something or someone that hurt you, a good solution may be to work harder and keep your mind busy. This is not good advice if you are one of those people who hate their job and just do it because they have to. Working harder at a job that doesn’t make you feel valued and appreciated will just lead you to add the “sucker who works 15 hours a day for a guy that I haven’t even met” label to your low self esteem list we usually make for ourselves after a break up - this and contains words like “hurt”, “abandoned”, “ugly”, “alone”. On the other hand, if you are one of those people who enjoy their job, working harder is an opportunity to be more creative, to earn some extra money and probably to find some happiness through it.
Do find a new hobby!A break up is an awesome opportunity to make a fresh start in your life. Your whole life has already turned upside down and the best thing to do is to make the best of it! Finding a new hobby is an enjoyable procedure, and will give you a good reason to wake up in the morning - you’ll have something to wait for. Don’t just stay at home watching TV. TV is not a hobby. Just ask yourself what it is that you like to do but you haven’t done it so far. Do you want to broaden your mind? Learn a foreign language! Do you want to feel more creative? Take acting classes! Do you just want to punch your ex in the face? Then you can vent your anger on the punching bag! Start practicing martial arts! Plus, getting started on a new hobby will not only give you a different perspective on your life and yourself, but it will also give you the opportunity to meet many new people who share the same interests and concerns as you. And, who knows? Maybe you will find someone that will make you smile again…
Last but not the least; you can tell to yourself continually, "I had my cry day now it is time to move on with my life."
Recovering from a broken heart is a very hard thing to do. You just have to take the process slow and one day at a time. You also need to realize how valuable you are as a person. Life will eventually move on, and the best thing for you to do is to let life move on.
.
“Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop.”But are tears enough to chase away the pain of a break up?Most of us have been there. Some of us are there. And for sure, many of us will be there in the future. When the person you are in love with suddenly leaves you, you may think that your whole identity is shattered, and that you will never recover from the pain - but keep in mind, the sun will rise again, sooner or later.
The emotional, spiritual and physical connection established in a relationship can be a beautiful experience for both individuals. From the first look until our relationship ends, we establish a connection with the person we love on some many levels. Finding that one person, our soul mate, to share our lives with is often a difficult task to achieve. As a result, and unfortunately, it is a reality that many hearts are broken before we are blessed with the one special person we trust and love for the remainder of our lives. When going through a relationship break up, the emotions can be overwhelming often leading to bouts of depression and anger. Learning to address these emotions can lead to a more healthy recovery and a pleasant transition back into the dating scene.
Finding a replacementmate is not the key answer to break up induced anger and depression which commonly sets in after a break up occurs. Unfortunately, it is fact that many individuals, when heartbroken, will venture out and immediately settle into a new relationship, often referred to as the "rebound". Without regard to the personality of the new person, the heartbroken person will use this new relationship to fill a void which often leads to the failure of the "rebound" relationship. So, when broken hearted, the first rule of Breaking Up is to avoid entering into a new relationship right away. Allow time for your heart to heal.
Take the "high road". When feeling angry and depressed after a break up, the heartbroken will begin to act out irrationally. Some heartbroken individuals even go so far as to fabricate stories, file police reports, act out physically and attempt to harm the other person. The mentality of the heartbroken, when angry and depressed over a break up, is one of "if I can havehim/her, no one will have him/her". When suffering from a broken heart, it is imperative that you make a cognitive i.e. decision to take the high road. In fact, going so far as to limit communication with the person may be crucial to your emotional recovery.
In addition to avoiding replacements and taking the "high road",
Breaking Up is to find new activities and adventures that cater to your personality. Enjoy this new found freedom as a time to focus on you. Enjoy the silence and stillness of life. Go to a park and sit or lay quietly on a blanket and just listen to the sounds of life moving around you. Go to a local gym and walk a track and watch others work out. Take this time to engage your senses and learn to like yourself. Reach deep into your inner strength and find peace in the ability to now have some alone time. Think of hobbies you enjoy and look for opportunities to engage in those hobbies and interests.
Volunteer service is another great way to recover from a heart wrenching break up. Giving back to the community provides you with an outlet to assist others. Often, when volunteering we realize we will find our situation is not that bad and we view the world through a new perspective. Through volunteer service, the broken hearted will network and connect with a new group of individuals who may have similar interests to yours.
Whatever the situation, the key to recovering from a break up is to remain true to yourself. Find strength in the world around you and move forward to exert productivity and make an impact on society and on yourself
No matter what the age is, breaking up is always hard, but for a teenager it becomes too much to handle.
A new study, led by Norma Clarke, MD, a child psychiatrist at The Menninger Clinic and medical director of The Clinic’s Adolescent Treatment Program, suggests some ways of helping adolescents come out of break-up associated emotions.
"Some relationships may seem so intense and so necessary that teenagers harm themselves when the relationship ends," Clarke said.
A break-up signals to parents to be alert for signs of trouble in their teen’s emotional health, because they often keep their feelings secret. "If your teen falls off the deep end and you have a sense that you are losing control of him or her, you need to intervene," Clarke said.
She added that sudden changes in your teen’s behaviour might also be signs that he or she is having relationship problems , she adds.
Some signals which point out that the relationship has gone far among teens are as follows - teenager insists on spending all of his or her free time with the other person and stops seeing friends; he or she cries frequently or wants to be alone or sleeps more or less than usual if his or her boyfriend/girlfriend is not around.
Another sign could be that the teen is constantly talking on the telephone or chatting on the Internet. The study gives suggestion as to how to deal with the problem.
Clarke says that parents should talk to their teenager about the relationship. "Remind your child that it is not a good idea to get too involved with just one person. They should keep their friends , and they shouldn’t put all their eggs in one basket," Clarke said.
"Establish relationship rules according to your family’s morals and values. It is ok to say, ‘It is our expectation that you will not have sex when you are (age you decide) years old,’" she added.
"Frequently monitor your child’s Internet usage to see what sites he or she frequently visits. Stay abreast of changes made to your child’s MySpace or Facebook pages. Trust your instincts if the messages or content seems out of character and discuss it with your child.
"Be alert to cutting or other self-harm behaviour such as your teen no longer wearing short-sleeved clothing. Parents tend not to talk to kids about relationships or sexual behaviour.
"Keeping an open line of communication about friends of all types, activities and expectations is more welcomed by your child than may be apparent. I don’t think parents realize the impact they have on their teenager’s behaviour," she added.
Until then, here are some things you can do, to go through the painful post-breakup period a little easier.
First of all, don’t deny the breakup. It may seem difficult to accept that your heated love had such a chilling end, but the sooner you accept the fact that they’ve left you, the better it is. Don’t be self-pitying and don’t keep asking why - just try to get used to the idea that you’ll be single for now.
Don’t get close to the things your ex-love has left behind. Get rid of all the stuff they’ve left at your house, and all the presents you’ve been given for your birthday or for your 1- and-a-half-year anniversary. These objects bring you memories of the person that has hurt you, and every time you remember, you will start crying. I don’t suggest that you forget about them. After all, how can you forget someone you were in love with? It’d be like trying to remember someone you’ve never met. The best thing to do is to put all their things in a box and make sure that you‘ll lock it well in your closet. You can open it when you will be ready; when you will have got over then, and when this stuff can only make you smile.
Do cry! Crying may seem an obvious result of a breakup, but sometimes it’s not that easy to cry even though you really want to. But, what keeps us from crying? Denial of losing the one you love may be a reason. Sometimes it takes a while until you realize that they have made up their mind and won’t come back. Pride may be another. You might want to seem tough and prove to your friends (and yourself) that you don’t care. Stop being selfish and stubborn! Don’t hold your anger inside; by doing so, you will just be more stressed and snappy. Instead, release your pain. Let yourself cry! After a good cry, you will not only be relieved, but also be able to eat and sleep a lot easier (eating and sleep problems are very common after a break up). Notwithstanding the benefits of crying, it is still considered to be socially unacceptable. Unless you want to make a fool of yourself (and this will happen if you walk down the street and you sob every so often), avoid going to the places that remind you of them. Just stay home until you break into tears.
Spend time with your friends! No matter who left and how much you loved them, no matter how much you are hurt, it’s almost impossible to go through a break up without your friends. They are people who love you, and know you better than anybody. So, they will be willing to listen to you and help you. Your friends will always be there for you. They have seen you falling in love with the person that hurt you, they have heard your stories about your relationship, so they will support at this ugly period of your life. Don’t hesitate to follow them everywhere. If they ask you to go out any time of the day, it’s probably because they don’t want you to stay alone at home.
Don’t try to work harder unless you really love your job. It’s been said that in order to forget about something or someone that hurt you, a good solution may be to work harder and keep your mind busy. This is not good advice if you are one of those people who hate their job and just do it because they have to. Working harder at a job that doesn’t make you feel valued and appreciated will just lead you to add the “sucker who works 15 hours a day for a guy that I haven’t even met” label to your low self esteem list we usually make for ourselves after a break up - this and contains words like “hurt”, “abandoned”, “ugly”, “alone”. On the other hand, if you are one of those people who enjoy their job, working harder is an opportunity to be more creative, to earn some extra money and probably to find some happiness through it.
Do find a new hobby!A break up is an awesome opportunity to make a fresh start in your life. Your whole life has already turned upside down and the best thing to do is to make the best of it! Finding a new hobby is an enjoyable procedure, and will give you a good reason to wake up in the morning - you’ll have something to wait for. Don’t just stay at home watching TV. TV is not a hobby. Just ask yourself what it is that you like to do but you haven’t done it so far. Do you want to broaden your mind? Learn a foreign language! Do you want to feel more creative? Take acting classes! Do you just want to punch your ex in the face? Then you can vent your anger on the punching bag! Start practicing martial arts! Plus, getting started on a new hobby will not only give you a different perspective on your life and yourself, but it will also give you the opportunity to meet many new people who share the same interests and concerns as you. And, who knows? Maybe you will find someone that will make you smile again…
Last but not the least; you can tell to yourself continually, "I had my cry day now it is time to move on with my life."
Recovering from a broken heart is a very hard thing to do. You just have to take the process slow and one day at a time. You also need to realize how valuable you are as a person. Life will eventually move on, and the best thing for you to do is to let life move on.
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